In Memoriam: ♥ In My Heart (Mom) ♥

A mother’s love
is the kind of love that transcends space and time.

But that was according to others
who have felt their mother’s love,

Frozen like my heart is this time of year. [Passing of Seasons taken by AJ Matt and used with permission]

Frozen like my heart is this time of year.
[Passing of Seasons taken by AJ Matt and used with permission]

unlike me

but then sometimes
when I fall into slumber,
I dream about you

somehow I feel your love
in my dreams, you are real
your hugs, your touch
your smiles, your laughter
you are very much alive

there you were
opening your arms to me
ordering me to come to you
hugging me
and letting my unshed tears flow
listening to me
letting me speak up
speak the words I left unspoken
letting me do the things I left undone
letting me bare my pains
that I’ve kept deep inside me
that I’ve tried to conceal

there you were
filling the emptiness in my heart
and willing me to struggle and hold on

somehow in my dreams
you were there
guiding me, helping me
teaching me as you’ve taught others
assuring me of things
that I felt uncertain of
telling me that everything
will be fine
that everything
will be alright
telling me things
that I long to hear

you were there
beaming a confident smile
telling me that I can do it
when I felt so unsure of myself

somehow you were there
trying to make me smile
when I felt like crying
when I felt so down

in my dreams
you are within my reach
within my arm’s length

in my dreams
I can hug you
I can say that I’m so proud of you
and most of all
that I love you

but when I wake up
I’ll realize my dreams were nothing
but a farce

but sometimes
when I feel the wind’s touch
in my face, blowing the strands of my hair,
somehow I knew it was you
touching me, toying with my hair, hugging me
and when I heard the wind’s whisper
and the rustling of leaves
I knew it was you
talking to me
and as rain pelted my back
somehow I knew it was you
crying for me
willing me to go on

or sometimes as I see the sun smiling
I felt it was you
promising the joy that the day brings
telling me everything’s going to be fine

or sometimes as I see the stars blinking
somehow I knew it was you
staring back at me
watching over me

somehow I knew you were somewhere
somehow I knew that you love me too
somehow I knew you were there…
very much alive…

Author’s note:

No matter how many years pass me by, I still feel the pain of the might-have-beens.

Happy 68th birth anniversary, Mom.

Or was it supposed to be 67th? Hell, I don’t even know the exact number. But, whatever. What does it matter? It’s not going to bring you back. What matters is that you are loved. And will forever be remembered through me… through us.

We love you.

Date written: March 06, 1998 – Friday 8:55PM – 9:30PM

This was written one month before my 19th birthday, one month and 10 days before my mom’s 19th death anniversary… It’s almost 16 years since I’ve written this, and yet, I still feel the same.

Mom, this is for you…wherever you are…I know you already found peace.


2 thoughts on “In Memoriam: ♥ In My Heart (Mom) ♥

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